The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. This week’s 3 votes go to Chad’s brother, Kane (pictured above post-game getting highly aroused after looking at his stats).
Kane gets the 3 votes for a number of reasons. Firstly, he is a Cornes, Adelaide’s answer to the Kardashians. Kane Kardashian. What a Kunt. Like the rest of the Cornes family, he has the incurable disease of conceit. Talk about Figjam. This prick truly believes he is the fountain of all knowledge. Well, he is a fountain alright – when he speaks you’ll have not just a fountain but a fucking waterfall. He makes a burst water main look like a runny nose. Call SA Water when Kane opens his gob to speak. No wonder the Fire Brigade accepted him – when he arrives on the scene of a fire they just hand the tosser a dictionary and get him to start reciting words beginning with s – when he gets to “statistics” his job is done.
Secondly, he is just plain embarrassingly hypocritical. He thinks he is the new hard man of the football media. But Kane, you are fooling nobody with your drivel. Noone is going to forget that you were the only footballer ever to be reported for staging for a free kick. Weak as piss. Not even Lindsay Thomas or Che Cockatoo-Collins ever got reported for milking frees. So before you start handing out critiques on other footballers, just remember, as a footballer you will be remembered in the same way we remember Italy’s Fabio Grosso – as a fucking diving cheat.
Not only were you a cheat, but you were arguably the most selfish and self-absorbed footballer of all-time. Your obsession with your own stats was so bad that Port Adelaide actually banned you from reviewing your stats post-game. “Never mind if we won or lost, Choco, how many 15 metre dinky kicks did I have?” So selfish were you that you left your club a player down, albeit one fucking shit player, by quitting football once you had achieved the 300-game milestone and join the fire brigade. You quit 300 games too late.Selfish prick.
Kane was also Port’s answer to Nathan Van Berlo. Could run a great time trial but a really, really crap footballer. Can’t kick, can’t mark, can’t play. At least VB doesn’t stage for frees.
Finally, you are one of those ankles that likes to dish it out but can’t take it. Take for example, Will Minson’s on-field sledge and and more recently, your attack on loyal Norwood supporters. Of course you didn’t contribute to either situation. Just like Kevin Foley never ever contributed to someone wanting to punch him. Whatever happened to Roley Poley Foley? Is he working on the RAH site? Or perhaps doing maintenance at the De-Sal plant? Or maybe digging up Hackney Road? Or down at Gillman stitching up another dodgy deal?
Kane is perfectly suited to contributing to the Chadvertiser and 5AA – in other words, he has no talent. This is the paper that has Ken McGregor on staff as a court reporter. Ken reports on the big stories like the day the dog ate my homework. Sterling stuff. And Mark Bickley is on 5AA – fair dinkum, that Crows apologist is a walking cure for insomnia.
Kane’s Chadvertiser “articles” are the perfect way to move a blocked bowel – I’d rather read Lainie Anderson’s vacuous nonsense in the Sunday Mail (I clearly exaggerate – I’d rather watch Tracey Grimshaw take a dump than read Lainie’s garbage). No doubt Rucci is showing Kane the ropes on how to deliver bias tripe.
So Kane gets 3 votes as he can consistently be guaranteed to deliver absolutely nothing of value. Isn’t it apt that a squib like Jimmy Toumpas is now wearing the illustrious number 18 at Port. The tradition continues. Apart from being hopeless, the other thing that Jimmy and Kane have in common is that they both played for Woodville West Torrens. Kane is pictured below clearly shitting his dacks for his beloved Eagles.
The Chad Medal 